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A letter to… my ex-best friend. The one who broke my confidence.

It’s been four years since we last spoke and I don’t miss you at all. Okay, maybe I miss you a small amount but we did spend five years together in the same classes, same friendship group.. But you hurt me real bad.

I still have my leaver’s book where you wrote “Love you and miss you but will still be your best friend and see you every day”. Such a shame that what you wrote was a bunch of lies. You didn’t love me, you weren’t my best friend, and you used me to fuel your own ego. That’s all I meant to you.

Five years of becoming quieter, more awkward. Every day there would be some sort of argument in our friendship group, with you always being involved. You’d cause so much drama for everybody in our year group that it made people think I was like you, so they’d stay clear from me. Even my parents thought you were bad news. I should’ve known as soon as my mum told me she didn’t like you. Her judgement was never wrong.

People would always say to me: “You don’t have to be friends with her”, “Just cut her out of your life” – but it was hard for me, being the timid and shy girl who was too afraid to stand up for herself. I used to think having a loud and confident best friend would help me become my own person but in reality, it just shattered my confidence more.

You were beautiful and despite being hated by many, people still wanted to be your friend. I was the fat kid who never really experienced life and I thought you’d help me change that. Yeah, I was wrong. In the end, you pretty much destroyed my self-confidence and made me feel more anxious and depressed than I ever have done. Best friends are not supposed to do that to one another.

I remember the moments in my life that you ruined. My 16th birthday. It’s supposed to be one of the special birthdays you have growing up but the happiest day of my life, turned into the worst. I spent the whole night in a police station because you decided a boy was more important than your best friend. The result? You got drunk and attacked a boy because he didn’t like you back and got taken away by the police.

After everything you’d done to me, I kept letting you come back into my life as I felt everyone deserves another chance but you never proved yourself. Every single day of high school was more drama filled than it should be.

Since eventually cutting you out from my life, I found true bliss and such better friends. I’ll always hope in the back of my mind that you will have a brilliant life, despite everything you’ve put me through but I know deep down that I will never forgive you for the hurt you put me through.

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